Neurora

It sounds small. Like a non-problem. But it’s not.

I want to sit down. I want to work on my own ideas—anything that feels engaging or meaningful. I want to get into that focused state where my brain lights up and I lose track of time. But almost every time I try, my body pushes back.

It starts with restlessness. A strange discomfort that spreads through my limbs—not pain, not fatigue, just… unease. Like something is off in a way I can’t quite name.

I feel my limbs too much. Why are my arms or legs there? Why is my sock just off? Why isn’t my shirt sitting right? My chair doesn’t hurt, but I can’t relax into it. My desk is familiar, but it feels wrong. Not hostile, just… not right.

I’ve tried changing things. I’ve moved to the couch, bed, floor... I’ve wrapped myself in blankets. I’ve changed the lighting. I’ve played music. I’ve turned everything off. Some things help for a while. But nothing helps every time.

The moment I try to start—even when it’s something I want to do—my body becomes uneasy. Like it doesn’t know how to settle. Or like it’s waiting for something before it will let me begin.

And then the longer I sit there, the more my mind spirals. I want to do something. I like doing things. But I’m stuck, waiting for the discomfort to pass—and it doesn’t.

I don’t hear much about this kind of experience. Not in a way that feels familiar. Not the kind of “distraction” or “lack of motivation” people usually talk about. It’s something deeper…

It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s just… I can’t sit at my desk.